WOD: lots of lifting shit

So, this was on a friday. I had my days mixed up.... and I thought class started at 6. It didn't. It was the last day starting at 530. So, I walk in and Matt is like "what are you doing?" of course. bc I'm half an hour late. But, he let me work out. I missed the warm up, which sucks bc I really needed it. I wasn't the only one though, the kid that started with me was late as well. Thank goodness.

We warmed up quickly, and was given a 16 minute clock (instead of the 17 minute for the class) to do the following:

• 20 x Power Cleans 
• 5 x Push ups
• 20 x Sumo DL/HP
• 5 x Push ups
• 20 x Push Jerks 
• 5 x Push ups
• 20 x OH Squats 
• 5 x Push ups
• 20 x Front Squats

YEAH BOY, I FINISHED WITH 2 SECONDS TO SPARE!!!

I used a 35lb bar and 10lb on each side. So, I was slow, and the final squats were tough to finish, but with folks' encouragement, I finished with 2 seconds to spare on the 16 min clock. I finished!

S: push press - 105lbs. WOD: 5 RFT of 200m sprint/15 box steps

So, these will probably get shorter as I do more. I will unfortunately have to cut back to 2x per week till the end of the school year because i'm a terrible fucking student and can't manage more than that. So, fingers crossed I actually graduate.

Anyway, workout.

We worked on push presses. That's the dip/drive one. I really enjoy lifting. There was a bit of pain in my right shoulder when it was above my head, but, only on that day. I didn't feel it the next day. Matt said it could be just some inflammation, and if there wasn't sharp pain, I shoudl be fine. And, I was!

So, lifted a bit to get to our 1 round max. I made it to 105 lbs. It was HARD. but, I got there. So, that's my max. For now.

The workout.... Ugh. I for 3 full rounds, 1 run, and 3 steps. 3 out of 5. I couldn't run 200 meters. I think I was able to do 100m nonstop, or almost nonstop. At least 1 nonstop...but yeah. panic, inhaler, etc. It happened. But, whatevs. Cheering and encouragement. I kept on till the clock timed out.

WOD:

GOAL: 5 rounds for time of 200m spring & 15 box jumps

ACTUAL: 3 complete rounds = 1 200m run = 3 box steps

S: bench press – 60lbs. WOD: Tabata Wall ball, sit ups, jump lunges.

Not discussing feels much from yesterday. But briefly: I kind of sabotaged myself. And of course, I felt bad for being so bad. Whatever.

Warm up, I don’t quite remember… Was there a group warm up? Yes! There was. We used the light rubber bands to work our rotator cuffs. So, I used the yellow band. We did 20 movements with our arms in each direction two times. Then we moved to bench presses.

My trio of chicks started slow, and the goal (for us) was to get to a heavy 4 sets of 10 reps. He allowed for forced presses, which means that we are assisted some in order to get the bar up when needed. I ended with doing 1 unassisted set of 10 at 60 lbs (35lb bar, 2x 10s, and 2x 2.5s), 1 almost unassisted set (helped with last one), 1 assisted set of 10 at 55 lbs (helped for 2), and 1 assisted set of 10 at 55lbs (helped for 3). In between these sets we were doing tricep dips. Was supposed to be 10-12 reps, but I never ever hit that. I did 8, 7, 5. Yes, that’s cheating, but when I can’t even lift myself up, there wasn’t much I could do. I should have gone back to do more, and that’s where I slacked. Fk me.

WOD: Tabata Wall ball, sit ups, jump lunges.

So, I found the most amazing description of “tabata” ever: Tabata (20 secs on and 10 secs off, for 8 intervals) of each movement – for a total of 40 intervals. Each Tabata is followed by 1 minute of rest. Score for each movement is the lowest number of reps (or calories on the rower) performed in any of the eight intervals. Total score is sum of the lowest score for each movement.

I used a 14lb ball, no ab mat, did reverse lunges. The lunges were the only thing I scaled. I SHOULD have scaled the ball, bc FK ME ALL THE SABOTAGE. Just the extra 4 lbs made the wall balls murder. With the tabata version of these, we reported our worst round as our score. I’m trying to remember from last night, and didn’t write rounds down, but I think they were something like this:

• Wall balls: 10 – 10 – 8 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4
• Sit ups: 12 – 11 – 10 – 9 – 7 – 4 – 3 – 2
• Reverse lunges: 12 – 12 – 10 – 10 – 10 – 8 – 7 – 7

Making my score: 4 + 2 + 7 = 13.

Matt had pity on me after reporting my 4. He didn’t call me out to report the last two; he walked over to me and asked. I’m grateful for that, bc reporting “2” would have broken me. Though, I will say that while I didn’t jump for the lunges (I was the only one to scale that back), I stayed low for the almost all of them, and all but two times kept going through to zero, whereas everyone else stopped with like 5 or 6 seconds left. So, either they hit their number, or I was counting time wrong. And, I don’t think I was, bc I rested a full 10 sec after each set. Weird. But, that’s a small victory. Yes, I’d do a few, and shake my legs out, but I kept at it. I surprised myself. Especially with the sit ups. I know I ended with terrible numbers, but, I fought through it. There were plenty of false sit ups, but I took some deeps breaths and tried again. So, go me?

WOD: Tabata Wall ball, sit ups, jump lunges.

Goal: as many reps as possible, keep lowest score per action.

Actual: Wall ball- 4, Sit ups- 2, Reverse Lunges- 7.

S: front squat - 95lbs. WOD: lowest rep is score for 3 rounds of bike cals/push ups/double unders/row cals/burpee

This class was fun and incredibly hard. Warm up was a ton of stretches, and wrist stretches, which I didn't know was a thing. Though, it makes sense that it would be. We did all of these bc our strength portion was dedicated to front squats. Exciting! We had 15 minutes to get to a max weight. I didn't get there, but my partner did. I ended with 95lb squat. So, I can't wait to do it again and see where I should really be at. 

AAANNNNDDDDDDDD I squatted all the way down. Finally. The weight helps a ton, but I need to be able to get there w/o the weight. I think today will be wall balls, so bam, more squats. I really do love the lifting. It's fun, challenging, and doesn't make me feel like a complete failure like all the body weight and endurance stuff does. I was crying through most of the WOD. Ugh, anyway. Lifting = great.

That was the fun part. The incredibly hard part was the WOD which consisted of: 3 rounds, max rep per round, 1 min each obstacle per round, then 1 min rest - assault bike, pushup, double under, row, burpee. So, I do all 5 activities in a row, spending a minute on each, and then I take a minute rest. Then start over. Each completed rep counts, and we add on per event, so our total reps for the 5 minutes is our score. Mine was 23, 15, 13. I lost some time bc of controlling my breathing, and I lost points every round bc I couldn't do even one double under. Just couldn't get the rope around me fast enough. But, first time. Hopefully will get better. 

I really do think my little panic attacks are psychosomatic. I see how bad I am, I start panicking. When I panic I can't breathe. No breathing stokes the panic, etc etc etc. I REALLY need to get it through my skull that I will be last in everything for some time. And that is OK. I am improving each time I go - squat a little lower, jump rope a little longer. THAT is the focus, not loosing to other people who have been doing this for months now. If I can make myself believe that there's no reason to get upset, I think I could perform much better. So, another thing to work on.

WOD:

GOAL: 1 min per activity of bike cals, push ups, double unders, row cals, burpees. 3 rounds.

ACTUAL: completed zero double unders on any round. R1) 23, R2) 15, R3) 13.

Strength: Max squat atm 95lb

S: strict press - 65lbs. WOD: 9/15/21/27 of push ups/wall balls/ring rows

Ok!!! So, one real workout down, and now number two down!! Exciting. I had a blast. It was hard, and of course I was upset as hell for not completing it, but I still had fun and pushed myself. So, this one will be short.

Stretching with a video was interesting. We listening and copied. Leg stretches felt good, but I wasn't able to do everything. At least not how they were prescribed. We then moved into strict presses. This was fun. So, I started with a 35lb bar this time. I suspect I'll be working with those for a while now. So, the plan was to do 5, add weight, do 5 add weight, etc, all the way until we are struggling with completing the 5th. Once we have that max weight for a set of 5, we do 4 more sets of 5 for a total of 5 sets of 5 at the same weight. Then, if there was time, work on the 1 press max. I didn't get there since I didn't even have a baseline. 

I started with the bar and did them OK. We added 20lb. I finished it, but it was difficult. So, we added 10 lbs after a rest. I tried it again and got 4. I couldn't lift the 5th so he said "we'll count that as an audible" I guess because I made a sound when trying? We moved me to doing 5 sets of 4 reps at this weight, 65lbs. I did 3 more pretty OK. They were difficult, but I got through em. On the last one, I struggled at rep 3 and racked it. I waited an extra lil bit of time, and tried that set again. Made it!

WOD: sets of 9, 15, 21, 27 reps each of modified push ups, 10lb wall balls, and ring rows. 

I was SO slow. That's my big problem. I can't just push through, and it's fucking frustrating!!!! Ugh. Did 9 of everything OK. Did 15 of everything OK. Had to break each thing down in 3 sets of x to complete the part so that I A- didn't loose track and B- got myself through it. Then we are at the 21. My arms and shoulders are jelly at this point. It took forever, and got to the point where I was struggling to even do 2 in a row. But, Mike was there and talked me through it, and I finished with like 30 seconds left. I moved to wall balls and finished as many as I could in that time. 

This was very fun, very frustrating, and I feel it today. Arms and shoulders aren't still jelly, but I feel it. In my abs/stomach as well. Weird. I guess that means I'm tightening everything I need? I hope so. I really enjoy the lifting. It's a lot of fun, and I can't wait until I'm to a point where I feel GOOD about doing it. 

GOAL: sets of 9, 15, 21, 27 reps each of modified push ups, 10lb wall balls, and ring rows.

ACTUAL: sets of 9, 15, reps each of modified push ups, 10lb wall balls, and ring rows + 21 push ups + 8 wall balls.

S: Planks. WOD: 1-2-3 of snatch (15lb barbell only)/handstand push ups/row cals

Ok! This was my first official day of CrossFit classes. I tried to get there on Tuesday, but traffic wasn't on my side and I would have gotten there late, so I waited for the 630 class. Of which there wasn't one. Whomp whomp. So, I went yesterday evening at 530. And, apparently there ARE 630 classes then. blah.

Feels:

Anyway, first class. Exciting. Embarrassing. Enlightening.

Exciting because, first one!! Embarrassing because, well, yeah. Enlightening because I really felt it out and tried my best. Well, maybe not my best. I'm not sure. COULD I have really held out on planks a little longer? COULD I have rowed faster? I dunno. It felt like my best at the time, but now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know if I went easy at some points or not. I hope that's something I can understand about myself as I continue - knowing when I'm stopping bc I NEED to or I WANT to. 

It was really upsetting to not be able to hold a plank for 30 seconds at a time. And at the end, I was getting maybe 10 or 5 second holds. Really hard, really frustrating. I moved slow through everything. But a couple of classmates gave the "you got this" whoop and that helped. A girl at the very end was all "Almost there!" And counted the last 10 seconds out for me. 

I didn't want to disappoint any of them for some reason, but I did disappoint myself. While it gets to me, I can admit that at least a part of me knows that the disappointment will be there for a while. I'm going from fat girl with zero stamina to being pushed in workouts 3 days a week. It's going to be hard. Everything is gonna be hard. If it were easy, I wouldn't be there, bc I'd be bored. 

I really do need to get over the emotions of this, bc they will be a constant, but since March, I've become less and less of a robot. Today, I'm not hurting, but I'm feeling the parts of my body that I worked yesterday. Hopefully that means that I did something right, or at least on the way to right. Like I said, I'm not sure if I went as hard as I truly could have. I'm sure I'm subconsciously being hesitant, and I hope I get over that SOON. The "hurt" I'm feeling feels good though. There isn't anything keeping me from doing this afternoon's class, so heck yeah I'm going.

Class:

Let's see... We worked on hollow positions. We laid on the ground face up and face down, and made a bowl. Feet up 6" or so, arms straight out and up the same. Both directions. It was really hard to keep it going. There were a few times where I stopped early, rested, then went back up. But, 3 out of 16 total sets isn't bad. 20 seconds hold, 10 seconds rest for each direction. 

We then worked on handstand pushups. This meant that he worked us through the progression of positions that lead to being able to do one. FOR ME, that meant staying at a plank and trying pushups. So, I planked my ass off yesterday. Realizing that I've been wrong all my life, that past trainers have had me do them wrong or the super crazy easy way, is frustrating. Same with pushups. Elbows out is wrong! I had no clue. And of course doing it right is so much harder. So, I worked at it. I watched the others working at various levels, and I planked. 

Then we moved on to the WOD. This was 3 sets at increasing intensities of snatch/handstand pushups/row. 1 was 10 reps/1 minute/10 cals. 2 was 20 reps/2 minutes/20 cals. 3 was 30 reps/3 minutes/30 cals. I did not finish. I was slow between everything. I successfully held back an attack (ya for small mercies). But I was very slow. We had 20 minutes to do everything. Oh yeah, I've been rowing wrong - THIS WHOLE TIME. So angry. 

Anyway, I moved slowly between each item, took my time. The planks are what killed me though. I just couldn't hold them. And the time isn't 3 minutes to do planks, it was continue until you have a cumulative total of 3 minutes. I think it took me 5 or 6 to get to 2 minutes. I only finished 1.5 of the last set. Didn't even get to the row. I just kept pushing up and then falling a very short time later, 10-15 seconds. Just couldn't make myself do it, and I tried. I'm really upset that I didn't finish. But that was yesterday. It is what it is I guess.

WOD:

Goal: complete in 20 minutes

• 10 barbell snatches
• 1 minute plank
• 10 cals burned rowing
• 20 barbell snatches
• 2 minute plank
• 20 cals burned rowing
• 30 barbell snatches
• 3 minute plank
• 30 cals burned rowing

Actual: completed in 20 minutes

• 10 barbell snatches
• 1 minute plank
• 10 cals burned rowing
• 20 barbell snatches
• 2 minute plank
• 20 cals burned rowing
• 30 barbell snatches
• 1.5 minute plank

Day 6 - end of fundamentals

Ok. Last night was the final “fundamentals” night, so was a final review of all the main movements we were taught over these past two weeks. And now to see if I remember them all…

• Lunges, air squats, sit ups, pushups, wall balls, burpees, box jumps/steps, ring rows
• Kettlebell swings (Russian-front, American-high), KB high pulls (pull in front to chest, no swing)
• Strict press (no dip), push press (initial dip), push jerk (dip/drive/dip)
• Power clean (from dl to shoulders with a dip), hang power clean (from thighs to shoulder with dip)
• Snatch (wide grip, dl, pull up fast with a dip to overhead hold and squat)
• Thrusters (shoulders, squat, explode up, shoulders)
• Deadlift (from shins, stand), sumo deadlift (wide stance, stand), DL/HP (close grip, bring to chest)

I’m probably forgetting some.

The good news is that I can (a) buy an ab mat so that I continue sit ups in this style at home, (b) can come as many times as I like these next two weeks, and (c) think I can afford at least twice a week. I think. We will see. I will have to do the math, and hope that the dog walking covers at least half of this monthly bill. I want to do at least 3 times a week, but it all depends. I’m excited to go to a real class, and I’m nervous as hell. Today is KB stuff, and I’m using the next to lightest one, which is embarrassing, but whatever. I need to get over that, bc according to the trainer, no one (who is actually working out) will be paying attention to me.

I’m excite to begin working towards goals ya know. Immediate goal – be able to do normal life shit without feeling like a fat fucking slob. You know, tie shoes, walk up a flight of stairs, carry groceries, etc. Anyway, it starts today.

Now, to not keep fucking myself over with my thesis.

Day 5

We had the second trainer again yesterday and he’s also great. Matt I believe (memory of a goldfish strikes again). He’s very to the point, and likes to “test” you. As in “Ok, Mel, show us the deadlift.” So, he’ll give you a sec to think it through and do it. If you can’t get it, he’ll then throw in the reminder of how to do it. This is nice, bc it forces you to remember the moves instead of monkey-see-monkey-do. Not that that is bad, I learn quite well from that too. Anyway, it was a review of bodyweight things and barbell things. We used the barbell instead of the pvc for everything, and I felt a little more confident on movements with that. We also did kettlebell stuff. There was no WOD really, but we did 15 reps of each item we reviewed.

• Pushups 10
• Sit ups 20 
• Squats 20
• Deadlift 15
• Sumo deadlift 15
• The hanging version of the clean 15
• The clean where you start near your shins 15
• Strict press 15
• The press with one dip (don’t remember the name) 15
• The press with two dips (don’t remember the name) 15
• Kettlebell Swings (American seems to be the only ones they count here, so unless said otherwise, they are that kind of swing) 2 sets of 15
• Kettlebell deadlift/pull up to your chin (don’t remember the name) 2 sets of 15

I used the 15lb barbell for all of those lifting moves. I tried the 23lb kettlebell for the swings, but just one had me feeling like I couldn’t do it/too heavy, so I switched to the 18lb. For the high lifts, I used the 23lb one though. I made it through 20 sit ups, and legit struggled for the last 3 (better than befoooorrreee!!!). I made it through 10 “pushups” and struggled through them all, but I did do them all at an even pace with good posture. I moved down a little further this time than I have in the past. So, getting there. The squats are squats. They were the first thing we did, so I was able to move through them and make myself go low-ish for all of them. Nowhere near low enough, but I guess I’m getting there.

Goal: do all the items given with good form

Actual: did all the items given with mostly good form

Addition: my lower back is on fire!

Day 4 take 2

This was a difficult day. I walked out of the gym feeling like I didn’t belong there. Warm up went well. The stretches are getting easier to remember how to do, and in a good order. Jumping rope is getting better. Less whacks to my legs and hands. I still have to do it in short spurts, but I’m able to do more sessions as time goes on. After warming up, we did a super short untimed circuit of 250m row and 15 squats. I think my form for squats is getting better? Or rather, I can clearly identify when I’m doing it wrong now. So, maybe the more accurate observation is that I’m more aware of how I should be doing it.

We played with the bar some! Started practice with the pvc stick, but move to the 15lb bar. We worked on hang power cleans and, I think the other move is just a power clean – the one starting from below your knees, but ending in the “clean” movement with elbows out/up. I feel incredibly awkward doing this, but it’s super fun. I am having some flexibility problems in the arms, but that will get better the more I do it. The big problem is that when you’re bringing the barbell up to your shoulders, you do this thrust move to drive momentum from your lower half, UP. This momentum makes your arms swing up, which helps you bring the weight up, and then you engage your arms enough to roll out your elbows and control where the barbell goes. That thrust is throwing me. I’m going to enjoy doing lifts I think. And when my brain disengages and my body “gets” the move, it’ll be easier, and a LOT more fun.

And now…. The WOD. THIIIISSSSSSS is where I fucked myself up. The WOD was 15 HPC, 6 sprints, 12 HPC, 4 sprints, 9 HPC, 2 sprints. The “sprints” were just the length of the gym, a really short distance. We had 8 minutes to complete everything, but we do them as quickly/accurately as possible. Short sprints like this, no problem. HPC, no problem. I got this, and am excited.

Then I start.

Got through 15 of them slowly and I was comfortable with almost all of them. Did my little sprints and instantly saw how far behind the other two I was. I don’t know if my mind went back to “performance” mode, or what, but when I looked up and saw what the other two were doing, I freaked out and was hyperventilating/having an asthma attack. I can’t say which it was. It happened SO suddenly that I was super freaked. I couldn’t even talk properly to have the trainer grab my inhaler for me, but he understood the panting and pointing. I took my two puffs, I worked through it, I cried, and then I started the rest of my sets.

It held me up for a good while. And damnit I was angry, embarrassed, and my lungs were on fucking fire. THE WORST. But, I finished like, right at the 8 minute beep. So, I did them all within the time given. I’m trying to ignore that the other two had moved on to pushups while the clock was ticking for me. I still hurt from that. I’m trying to figure out the trigger, bc I damn sure don’t want to go through that again, let alone in from of in-shape people. I hurt so much, that I barely had any dinner when I got home.

WOD:

Goal: 15 HPC, 6 sprints, 12 HPC, 4 sprints, 9 HPC, 2 sprints in 8 minutes.

Actual: 15 HPC, 6 sprints, 12 HPC, 4 sprints, 9 HPC, 2 sprints in 8 minutes.

Random comment

It’s nice when a meal that would normally fill me up is now TOO much food. I mean, I ate a banana 2 or 3 hours ago, but still. I got this teriyaki chicken/veg/rice bowl from Fairway. This thing is filled in one of those small to go round containers. Holds 2 cups of stuff? 3? Anyway, I’ve not purchased this before, but this amount of food used to fill me as I grazed over an hour or so. I ate MAYBE half of it, maybe, and I’m stuffed. 

I’ve filled this container with food plenty before, so I’m just pretty excited that I really am getting a handle on my diet. I’ve been working at this a long time. Long periods of working at it, long periods of not giving a crap. This current period of “on” has been going for about a month and a half.

A big ole Huzzah to that!

Day 4, take 1

So, I didn’t make it to class last night. I was coming from the city, and the stars just didn’t align. The plus side is that I was carrying a lot of stuff, though that doesn’t count for much. The bday weekend consisted of more walking and climbing than eating. Even with the one gigantic, decadent, fudgy piece of chocolate cake. I didn’t eat the fudgy icing; that was my concession.

I didn’t log food. It was so random, that I honestly just didn’t feel like finding and adding the things. So that’s another fail on my part, the not logging. But I really paid attention to the food I ate. So that’s a bonus on my part. In the end, I was conscious of the food in, the energy out, and I feel there was a deficit each day.

I’m super pissed I didn’t make it to class. But I did what I could to get there. I start up tomorrow with Day 4, and we’ll end up adding 1 extra class on a Monday to make up for yesterday. The other guy missed last Thursday, so the trainer said no big on missing.

Still though.

Day 3 feels

Day 3 was different from the first two. I had a different trainer. He was great, but the structure was very different. The first two days we took our time learning and being taught, ensuring we are showing that we can do the moves. This time we FLEW through a BUNCH of different moves. I can’t even remember everything we did. I say flew through them, but the trainer was watching and had us practice them a bit to see that we understood the mechanics.

We learned/did:

• A new kettlebell thing, like a squat then pull it up to our chins instead of a swing out and up
• A sumo dead lift
• 2 new versions of the strict press – one where you dip and push, one where you dip, push/dip, and stand
• Pushups
• Sit-ups
• Squats (I managed to touch the ball with my butt this time, though, it was just one)
• American kettlebell swings (the Russian one didn’t count this go around)
• Jumping rope

I was able to jump rope for longer stretches before stopping than I was able to yesterday/Monday. And I’ve decided that I will definitely work on a few things at home. I was hesitant to because I was scared that I’d be practicing them with bad form and blah blah. But, how else am I going to be able to do them? Not from attending a class only a few days a week. So, what I’ll do at home on various days, and what I need to remember when doing them:

• Pushups – keep the back straight, abs engaged, butt tight. Moving down a few inches with everything straight/engaged is better than going all the way down and bending everything to get back up
• Sit-ups – keep chin tucked in, keep hands on legs (though switching to finger tips felt better), try to keep butt tight and abs engaged while making it a smooth motion, legs together and straight, toes pointed
• Squats – KEEP MY BALANCE TOWARDS MY HEELS and not my toes. Keep the back straight and butt out. Squat down PAST comfortable.
• Lunges – back straight, squat to where knees are almost touching ground, so about 90 degree angles, or a little farther. Mainly, back straight with mid and butt pulled tight for control.
• Jump Rope – damn, just be able to do this for longer and longer periods.
• Burpees – This is something that will take a LOT of trust in myself to do. I need to trust that I won’t fall when I push my legs back. And even if I did fall, I’d be falling a couple of inches. I don’t know why I’m so scared, but I am. So, these are on this list.
• Running – short stints. Be able to jog nonstop for 100m. Then, 200, and so on. Eventually to a mile of jogging nonstop. Beyond that is cool, but focus is to be able to perform the running parts of any WODs I get. Bc right now, I wouldn’t be able to without stopping to walk.

So, the WOD for yesterday was difficult. Actually, I think I’ll stop saying “the WOD was difficult” because I’m sure they all will be. Anyway, it was box steps followed by American KB swings. It’s quite fucked up just how taxing it is to step up on a box, and balance yourself to not fall on your ass either when stepping up OR down. Like, SERIOUSLY. I’m only stepping up (not jumping) on the small side, 20”. Though, I think that is longer than my foot/femur/knee combined. Being short sucks. But, there it is.

Goal: 4 minute, AMRAP – 6 box steps, 6 AKB swings

Actual: 4 complete rounds

Day 2 feels

This one is quick for now. I may or may not add on to it later.

I didn't stick with my food plans completely. Removed the salad and dinner plan for a smoothie and chicken/broccoli.

We learned/did:

• wall balls
• ball slams
• situps
• burpees
• assault bike
• basics of kettlebell swings (russian! Ha, remembered!)
• basics of deadlifts
• basics of some kind of lift... I'll find the name later.

The wall balls worked on my squats, and while they hurt, and I was slow, I think I managed to score many more in form and on target than not. The ball slams were fun, and worked the shit out of my abs. I don't recall if that's what they should do? But, that's what happened. The deadlift kicked my back's ass. He said that's good, and I'm all, OK. Kettlebell was fun. The lift thingy was the hardest from a technical standpoint. When I'd keep my head forward, I'd forget to keep my elbows up and forearms out. I kept lifting in a rainbow arc instead of straight line.

I need to get that shit in line. The burpee was embarrassing because I have no balance and no flexibility. We do a very basic modified version with no hopping, everything is a step (except for the reach back). But, we step back to our hands and step up. Every single time I step up, I'd have to take a step out because I don't bend that far (belly...) and have zero balance. 

...... the assault bike. So, He told me to grab my inhaler, and I'm all "I'm not gonna need it!" Lies. Of course I needed it, have you been on an air resistance bike before?!?! It kicked my butt. I don't know if I did a good time or not, but he had us burn a certain amount of calories and record that time. I burned 10 cals in 29 seconds. The goal now is to double the calories in the same amount of time, so 20 calories in 29 seconds. 

Goal: complete 2x of 15 ball slams and 25 situps in 4 minutes.

Actual: Completed 1 full set, completed 15 ball slams and 1 situp in other set.

day 1 feels

Two days ago I attended my first crossfit class. Lemme backup actually. So, some sports in school, a TON of bowling, and marching band. That was me pre-college. Then I attended a different school, wandered across the states a bit, wandered back, graduated, and moved north for work. My in-shape days are 12 years behind me. I’ve attended gyms, I would start classes, and my attention would go elsewhere, or my partner would stop showing, or I’d get lazy, or whatever. There are tons of excuses, and in the end, I wouldn’t stick with anything.

So, I am looking to crossfit for help. The reason is this: small group workouts where we rely on each other and have a trainer helping us individually. This provides a measure of accountability I’ve never had. So, I’ll disappoint myself AND them, and I’ll be out a ton of money each month. Or, I’ll attend and do my best.

Anyway, attended crossfit on Monday. We went through a bunch of basic stretches. These felt awesome. Guys, I don’t think I’ve ever stretched properly before. Anyway, we stretch forever and then we start with some very basic stuff. It’s just me and one other guy who is recovering from double hip surgery (and this guy finishes doing box jumps while I’m failing with stepping up on boxes… kill me).

I learned/did:

• the correct way to squat (yes, I am so focused on not falling on my ass I almost always topple over and have terrible form)
• a correct version of a sit-ups (I’m feeling this in my sides only just now. Is that weird? They were terrible when doing them)
• the correct way to do push-ups (even though I could only move my body up and down a few inches, he said that was OK. I don’t feel it was, but he said so)
• lunges
• jumping rope
• trx rows (I’m a huge fan of the trx system – one day I’ll do pullups!)
• Box jumps (for him) and step ups for me
• and I think that’s it. I should have written this that night. Whatever.

Everything was difficult, as I expected it would be. The most embarrassing part, though, was while stretching. I get winded walking up 1 flight of steps… I don’t know how I forgot about that. Now, imagine me stretching, REALLY stretching. Yep, noticeable heavy breathing when done. I think I felt ashamed the entire time. Only when sit-ups started hurting did I not feel shame. I was too focused on getting that final damn sit-up that I forgot about shame. But, I felt it as soon as time was called.

Anyway, we went through a lot of the above basics. It was great to learn how to do all of those things properly, and best of all, the trainer mentioned why we need to do them the proper way, what groups are worked (and what are worked when done wrong), and how it translates into the real world. Knowing the why makes the how sink in for me.

The final actual “workout” was a 250m row and 25 sit-ups in 4 minutes. I think it worked out to equal just under 2 minutes for the row and only 12 situps. I counted 15, but I don’t think I had proper form for the last few. That was me just trying to get my back off the damn floor, even it if wasn’t the *correct* way to do it. I really didn’t want to stop, but it was hard and I couldn’t breathe well.

Before anyone rolls their eyes, I totally understand things should be hard. But I’d be lying if I ignored that my body was saying “THIS IS HARD, STOP DOING THIS” while doing a sit up or push up. Remember, I’m the worst kind of out of shape. So my body doesn’t WANT to do hard things. But, I made it, and that’s what I’m taking away from Monday. I made my lazy, overweight, weird body do hard things that it has not done in a dozen years. I didn’t finish the work out in time, but I did more than I thought I could do. And, that’s a starting point, it’s my baseline.

I decided to go back tonight. I have my meals planned for today/tonight.

• Breakfast: bec on a wrap
• Lunch: work catered, so keeping it simple with a couple of chicken tacos, and skipping the shell/wrap on 1, hoping will power holds to skip for both
• Snack before end of work day: greek yogurt
• Dinner before workout: spinach salad with egg
• Food after workout: I hate this part, but I should eat something according to the internet… and that means I gotta listen, right? Left over broccoli and rice. I’ll add chicken if I can swipe some from work.

Goal: 250m row and 25 sit-ups in 4 minutes.

Actual: 250m row in 2 minutes, 12 sit-ups in 2 minutes

First Post!

So, I created this blog ages ago. So long ago, in fact, that it would probably kill something inside of me if I looked to see when I actually made it. Clearly there’s been no posts. I’m a slacker, and that is the mother of all understatements. I’ve tried to more or less be health-conscious throughout my life, but let’s face it. I wouldn’t be 100lb over weight according to military standards if I truly focused on my health.

I’m a fat girl, I’m a strong girl, and I’m a girl with no stamina. I have pizza binges when I’m studying on weekends, and I’ll eat chicken salads for every meal when I’m broke. I’ve always tried to keep some physical activity a couple times a week, though admittedly it was never a ‘good’ session when I worked out, or attempted to run, or whatever. I blame my asthma when it gets hard and there’s no one there to keep me going. I don’t push as far as I should (yes, always keep safety in mind) because 20 minutes after I am done doing whatever, I am breathing normal and feel fine. The only time that was different was after cycling classes. Of which I’ve only attended TWO. Sad, I know. I really enjoyed spin.

But, this is where I’m going to be honest with myself: I’m really fat. This keeps me from going to the gym because I feel SO BAD. Not bad because I’ve pushed myself too hard, or the workouts themselves are hard, but bad in the sense that I can’t wear enough compression pants to keep my belly from fucking me up when I row or jump rope. It’s beyond embarrassing. I LOVE rowing. I wanted to pay the money to join a rowing team. Nope, embarrassed. I LOVE volleyball, and I would have paid the fee to join a team, but yet again, my own embarrassment kept me from it. Running. I CAN’T run, it’s quite sad. But I want to. Again, my fat ass belly gets in the way. It’s uncomfortable, it’s embarrassing, I hate myself. I could be so much better – more in shape, stronger, healthier, and prettier. But, I’m not. So, I’m hoping to change that.

This week I turn 32. I didn’t plan for it to all begin at my birthday, but, hey, it works. Will make the progress report a year from now easier to remember. This post is just my feels going into this. The next one will detail my first ever crossfit workout, and other shit.

Goals:

Immediate (3 month goals)

• I’d like to not need my inhaler during workouts. I don’t know if that is possible, but I want to try. The trainer said with a smile “I’m gonna get you off of that” and I believe him. I want that as well.
• I want to run a 5k the whole way through. That’s what, 3.some miles? Yeah, I’d like to get there. And then a 10k, and on and on. But for now, 3.some miles non-stop please, and thanks.
• I need to legitimately focus on my eating habits. I need to be honest with my logging, and really work on giving myself meaningful meals each day. School is done in December, so after that, there’s NO excuse for order a whole pizza for the weekend.

Year

• I want to lose fat. I can’t give myself a number, because I’ve been over 200lbs since middle or high school. I will say that 200 is a good number to shoot for, as I was in great shape then. I understand that losing a lot of weight will fuck me up mentally, and fuck my body up. There will be flappy skin everywhere, and it is my understanding that that kind of weight loss affects women in weird ways. Most noticeable – goodbye boobs. And, I’m ready for that.
• To get ahead in my chosen career, I think I need to get experience in the military. I won’t get it in the private sector unless I get lucky, and I don’t see that happening in the IC. So, I need to be in physical shape to join the military. There are requirements per branch, so I’ll aim for the Army/Navy. As much as I want to be a Marine, I want to work in intelligence eventually, so… there’s that. Army and Navy are JUST where it’s at for that.
• I want to be strong. Truly strong. I have this vision of myself, and after talking with the trainer, I think I can get there. I imagine myself as leaner, agile, and strong. I’m not imaging a body builder, I’m not going to be in the Crossfit Games. But, I am going to be able to do pushups, I am going to be able to lift, and most importantly, I’m going to be able to run.
• Most importantly, by my 33^rd birthday, I want to be proud of myself. I want to be happy in my own meat sack. I’m not right now, I haven’t been for a while. And that needs to change, because we all should be proud of ourselves. We all go through shit, and some of us are still standing. That right there is something to be proud of. So, I am going to work on my mental health as well as my physical health. After December, when school is over, I’m going to find someone to talk to, and start working on that.

So, here we go. Fingers crossed that I keep this up. Even if it’s just a line on what I did or didn’t do that day.

32 years old (almost) | 5’5”| 260 | measurements tonight.